Have you ever had someone tell you to "look on the bright side" when you were feeling down? Or maybe you've been guilty of saying something like that to a friend who was struggling? While it may seem like a well-intentioned gesture, there's actually a term for this kind of thing: toxic positivity.
What is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is the idea that we should only focus on positive emotions and experiences and ignore anything negative. It's the belief that negative emotions, such as sadness, anger, or frustration, should be suppressed, and that we should always "look on the bright side" of things. While this can sometimes be helpful, it can also be detrimental to our mental health.
Toxic positivity can be found in everyday conversations, social media, and even in self-help books. For example, phrases like "everything happens for a reason," "look on the bright side," or "don't worry, be happy" can be used to dismiss or minimize someone's pain or struggles. This type of positivity can create an unrealistic expectation that individuals should always be happy and optimistic, and that they're doing something wrong if they're not.
The Effects of Toxic Positivity
Toxic positivity can have negative effects on our mental health, including increased stress, anxiety, and feelings of isolation. It can also make people feel guilty for having negative emotions, leading to a sense of shame or inadequacy. Additionally, when people feel pressured to maintain a positive outlook, they may suppress their emotions, which can lead to emotional numbness and detachment.
Toxic positivity can also be harmful when it comes to supporting others. If someone is going through a tough time and they're met with toxic positivity, they may feel like their struggles are being dismissed or invalidated. This can create a lack of trust and may discourage individuals from seeking support in the future.
The problem with toxic positivity is that it can actually make you feel worse. When you're going through a tough time and someone tells you to just "cheer up," it can feel like they're not really hearing you or acknowledging your pain. It can also make you feel like there's something wrong with you for not being able to stay positive all the time.
So what can you do to avoid toxic positivity? Here are a few tips:
Practice empathy and active listening. When someone is sharing their struggles with you, try to listen without judgment and validate their emotions.
Use balanced language. Instead of using phrases like "everything happens for a reason," try using language that acknowledges the person's struggles and validates their emotions.
Be realistic. It's not realistic to be positive all the time. Instead of trying to force positivity, focus on developing resilience and coping skills.
Allow yourself to feel. It's okay to feel negative emotions. Allow yourself to experience them and process them in a healthy way.
While positivity can be helpful, toxic positivity can be harmful to our mental health and our relationships with others. It's important to recognize the difference and to practice empathy and validation instead of dismissing or minimizing someone's struggles. Remember, it's okay to not be okay, and it's important to allow ourselves and others to feel and process negative emotions in a healthy way.